it's alright, you can afford to lose a day or two.

i've been thinking about identity so much lately. without running the risk of sounding like one of those cliché hopeless, teenage blogs, what is identity? or reputation? reputation seems like a mystery to me. like the lightweight trail you leave behind with every face you meet and greet. there's no way a reputation is real.


                                                                                             "i have a reputation to protect," she said. 


its like a ghostly aftertaste people are left to dwell on and construct a mental projection of who the real you is. and when you really tear that concept apart, you really are openly giving up your right to make decisions and act upon impulse, because you have chained yourself to ever-developing and changing spoken word of the hustle and bustle of everyday life. 


as some of you know, i went to the lovely city of boston about a month back, and certainly met all kinds of life there. like the university i attend here in iowa, there were people i met who strongly clung to the lifeline of stereotyping, or labeling other people to shelf them away in an "understanding". its not their fault in some ways. we're human. we all judge, its our nature in order to comphrend other surroundings.


                                                                        "some people do arts and crafts; we judge.."- stanford blatch,         
                                                                                                                                           sex & the city.


the thing that really got to me though, was the compulsive attitude towards labeling things into shelves of fads and dismissing them immediately, with a lack of interest to pursue a further look into said things or people. the fad i heard most being tossed back and forth was the independent, counter-culture progression of "hipster". 


                                                                                  "urban outfitters is the most fucking hipster hideout."
                                                                                                   "oh, look at those cool fucking hipsters."
                                                                                                              "oh, how fucking hipster of you."


so, i stood hand-in-hand with urban outfitters bag, feeling sheer guilt for momentary reflection. i should have said something to these guys, but i didn't. it wasn't important. besides, no body wants one of those overly political artisté college girls giving them her unwanted two-cents on thinking, anyway. save it for freud. 


the thing i didn't, and don't get still, is why do these human beings (and others, not trying to section these gentlemen out) think of themselves above these "hipsters"? i looked up the term "hipster" when i got home and came across a definition of it that basically called it out as a movement of thought and fashion with an emphasis on independent identity. what struck a strange chord with me was, isn't that what every fad is about? its always just that. to be original, to be fresh, to be inspiring, to be delightful..pleasurable..i guess what i am getting at is labeling is more-or-less useless, since we have discovered reputation is a myth and fads are just recycled thoughts that have been center-stage for decades now.


i've been at a lot more peace with myself upon mulling this over. 

mother, remember the blink of an eye when I breathed through your body?

Seriously, Gian Lorenzo Bernini must be one of my all time favourite sculptors. Eehhh..Ectasy of Saint Teresa has me on pins and needles every time I look at it. It's so overwelming gorgeous and emotional. Above is an excerpt from one of his sculptures. And this is made of marble. As in cold, solid rock marble. And somehow he managed to capture the sensuality and aestical feel/look of skin. mmm. in many ways, I think he was overlooked by Michelangelo, and I don't know if that's the correct order of things..

Oh. and definitely watch this..>< (Sorry it's so small..)
Simon Schama= <3

now i'm a fat house cat.

i've been feeling very inspired by everything lately. I'm almost out of school (just a little over a month and half left..) and have really enjoyed these last two semesters. art is so good. In addition art I've been making in class,  I've been working on a linoleum blockprint (which is pretty rad, cuz I haven't done one of those deals since high school) for the annual juried student show. It's turning out pretty good, I'll have to get a decent pic to post here at some point..


Also, I've been volunteering in the gallery at UNI now three days a week and I love it. Emphasis on the italicized love. It just feels right. What doesn't feel right is I'm almost through with my winter sketchbook. I'll have to post pictures of some favie pages..><

I've been getting up pretty early every day, weekends included for no specific reason. I like listening to music like Iron & Wine and painting. And writing. Oh, writing. Just recently I started back into my poetry. I think blogging was a synthetic attempt at filling in that blank spot for who knows how long. And sunrises. I really like those too.

a stereotypical interest in eyes..

 these are all portrait excerpts taken during the MoMA's exhibit of performance artist "Marina Abramović: The Artist Is Present"(all photos by marco aneli).  i just think these are a stunning collection of people.especially the last girl. her eyes have softened, and it's not just an emotional, mental state for her, obviously. with her lips agape, you can practically feel her sinking back in her seat in amazement. and she's in this like total trance of surprise. it's so geniune of a human being, and i think we forget sometimes how to be vulnerable in this new day and age...

there's beauty in the breakdown.

                                                                          (picture credits to http://www.thefluffconstruct.com/)


man, oh man. i just got back from going to another one of those lovely artistic lectures i attend religiously.  a UNI alumnus, Mikel Bisbee- Durlam gave this one, and i think it's very fair to say this was the best one i have been to yet.

i've been going through a slight identity confusion lately (i suppose you could identify it as that). just been very unsure of my art, and my life as a general whole. it's probably fair to assume that it would be a kind side-effect of some good ol' seasonal affective disorder, but it's unnecessary at this point to label it and shelve it away before picking it apart..as some of you may know, i have been keeping a sketchbook since the day it started snowing here in Iowa this last year (November 30 to be precise) where i have been making myself create at least something on a page every day until every speck of snow is gone and the world is resuming where it last was. it's kind of a voyage for that matter. a little adventure out into the world. anyway, as it's probably safe to assume, i struggled badly at the beginning of the year, as i would presume a majority of new art majors could testify to.  i had that really hard struggle, probably just the agreement of  'letting go' and not feeling that strong detestment against it and being unsure because it wasn't 'conventionally beautiful' like most of the skills i had acquired throughout high school.

anyway, so, this morning i attended this lecture, and this guy was so cued in with what i needed to hear and be reassured with. it was wonderful. he began his talk with that he studied painting primarily (as am i) and how his work changed from studio to something out of it and beyond. he mentioned his interest in capturing human tragedy and working with it, which i think on a subconscious level, i am too. the thing that may have moved me the most in this very sincere talk, was this uncertainty of what we are attracted to as artists and what it is, and the ability to not be able to define or reiterate, but not fight it. for instance, he noted that when he was younger he went to a funeral, and instead of being in tune directly with the person whom had died and being caught up in the obvious pain, he was interested in the symbolism of of this girl he had feelings for's hair blowing in the wind.  there's something so overwhelming beautiful and melancholy about that image.

"I love moments like that were you feel something and don't know and feel weird but i love art that does that too. there's too much emphasis on the viewer, and how he is supposed to be interested in the artist. the artist should try to get to them without putting it out a too obvious statement and give it all away."
   -mikel bisbee-durlam.

this reminds me a lot of this scene from the movie american beauty, which i'm sure most of you may know is undeniably my favourite..i've always been able to really strongly identity with a major character in it, ricky. without giving too much away, he almost has this need to capture every moment on his life on tape, as a way of remembering, or going back to reevaluate it all. i guess in a way i strongly feel that way with my art. i've asked my roommate many times, "do you ever feel as though it's inconvenient to be inspired by everything?" which she laughs at but sincerely agrees. i have clutters of miscellaneous papers, plastics, scraps, etc because there's something i'm extremely drawn to but not sure what it is yet. and i can't throw it away cuz i know if i do, i will regret it almost instantly...

and on that note, mikel bisbee-durlam really tried to push home with a room full of young artists is just that. you don't have to know it all. you don't have to have it all figured out. just let it go. it's all intuition anyway, so just let it be pure.

"trust whatever the hell you're making. [...] i do whatever i have to, like "i want to do some landscape drawing! so i do that and see what would look good there. trust the process and let it go. [...] it's like waking up from a crazy dream and going, "what was that? i don't get it, it was too weird..and going to the psychiatrist or looking up Jungian dream symbolism and going, "ahh..that was it.." i feel like i do my own psych work in my art."

and that my friends, i suppose is life as well. just let it go. trust it, but let it just go..

niles crane: the epitome of seattle.

I absolutely adore the television series, Frasier. It's by far my absolute favourite. I'll blog about it forever at another point of time, friends.. Oh, and I definitely am in love with David Hyde Pierce. Whatta doll.

nathalie djurberg.

amazing.