mother, remember the blink of an eye when I breathed through your body?

Seriously, Gian Lorenzo Bernini must be one of my all time favourite sculptors. Eehhh..Ectasy of Saint Teresa has me on pins and needles every time I look at it. It's so overwelming gorgeous and emotional. Above is an excerpt from one of his sculptures. And this is made of marble. As in cold, solid rock marble. And somehow he managed to capture the sensuality and aestical feel/look of skin. mmm. in many ways, I think he was overlooked by Michelangelo, and I don't know if that's the correct order of things..

Oh. and definitely watch this..>< (Sorry it's so small..)
Simon Schama= <3

now i'm a fat house cat.

i've been feeling very inspired by everything lately. I'm almost out of school (just a little over a month and half left..) and have really enjoyed these last two semesters. art is so good. In addition art I've been making in class,  I've been working on a linoleum blockprint (which is pretty rad, cuz I haven't done one of those deals since high school) for the annual juried student show. It's turning out pretty good, I'll have to get a decent pic to post here at some point..


Also, I've been volunteering in the gallery at UNI now three days a week and I love it. Emphasis on the italicized love. It just feels right. What doesn't feel right is I'm almost through with my winter sketchbook. I'll have to post pictures of some favie pages..><

I've been getting up pretty early every day, weekends included for no specific reason. I like listening to music like Iron & Wine and painting. And writing. Oh, writing. Just recently I started back into my poetry. I think blogging was a synthetic attempt at filling in that blank spot for who knows how long. And sunrises. I really like those too.

a stereotypical interest in eyes..

 these are all portrait excerpts taken during the MoMA's exhibit of performance artist "Marina Abramović: The Artist Is Present"(all photos by marco aneli).  i just think these are a stunning collection of people.especially the last girl. her eyes have softened, and it's not just an emotional, mental state for her, obviously. with her lips agape, you can practically feel her sinking back in her seat in amazement. and she's in this like total trance of surprise. it's so geniune of a human being, and i think we forget sometimes how to be vulnerable in this new day and age...

there's beauty in the breakdown.

                                                                          (picture credits to http://www.thefluffconstruct.com/)


man, oh man. i just got back from going to another one of those lovely artistic lectures i attend religiously.  a UNI alumnus, Mikel Bisbee- Durlam gave this one, and i think it's very fair to say this was the best one i have been to yet.

i've been going through a slight identity confusion lately (i suppose you could identify it as that). just been very unsure of my art, and my life as a general whole. it's probably fair to assume that it would be a kind side-effect of some good ol' seasonal affective disorder, but it's unnecessary at this point to label it and shelve it away before picking it apart..as some of you may know, i have been keeping a sketchbook since the day it started snowing here in Iowa this last year (November 30 to be precise) where i have been making myself create at least something on a page every day until every speck of snow is gone and the world is resuming where it last was. it's kind of a voyage for that matter. a little adventure out into the world. anyway, as it's probably safe to assume, i struggled badly at the beginning of the year, as i would presume a majority of new art majors could testify to.  i had that really hard struggle, probably just the agreement of  'letting go' and not feeling that strong detestment against it and being unsure because it wasn't 'conventionally beautiful' like most of the skills i had acquired throughout high school.

anyway, so, this morning i attended this lecture, and this guy was so cued in with what i needed to hear and be reassured with. it was wonderful. he began his talk with that he studied painting primarily (as am i) and how his work changed from studio to something out of it and beyond. he mentioned his interest in capturing human tragedy and working with it, which i think on a subconscious level, i am too. the thing that may have moved me the most in this very sincere talk, was this uncertainty of what we are attracted to as artists and what it is, and the ability to not be able to define or reiterate, but not fight it. for instance, he noted that when he was younger he went to a funeral, and instead of being in tune directly with the person whom had died and being caught up in the obvious pain, he was interested in the symbolism of of this girl he had feelings for's hair blowing in the wind.  there's something so overwhelming beautiful and melancholy about that image.

"I love moments like that were you feel something and don't know and feel weird but i love art that does that too. there's too much emphasis on the viewer, and how he is supposed to be interested in the artist. the artist should try to get to them without putting it out a too obvious statement and give it all away."
   -mikel bisbee-durlam.

this reminds me a lot of this scene from the movie american beauty, which i'm sure most of you may know is undeniably my favourite..i've always been able to really strongly identity with a major character in it, ricky. without giving too much away, he almost has this need to capture every moment on his life on tape, as a way of remembering, or going back to reevaluate it all. i guess in a way i strongly feel that way with my art. i've asked my roommate many times, "do you ever feel as though it's inconvenient to be inspired by everything?" which she laughs at but sincerely agrees. i have clutters of miscellaneous papers, plastics, scraps, etc because there's something i'm extremely drawn to but not sure what it is yet. and i can't throw it away cuz i know if i do, i will regret it almost instantly...

and on that note, mikel bisbee-durlam really tried to push home with a room full of young artists is just that. you don't have to know it all. you don't have to have it all figured out. just let it go. it's all intuition anyway, so just let it be pure.

"trust whatever the hell you're making. [...] i do whatever i have to, like "i want to do some landscape drawing! so i do that and see what would look good there. trust the process and let it go. [...] it's like waking up from a crazy dream and going, "what was that? i don't get it, it was too weird..and going to the psychiatrist or looking up Jungian dream symbolism and going, "ahh..that was it.." i feel like i do my own psych work in my art."

and that my friends, i suppose is life as well. just let it go. trust it, but let it just go..

niles crane: the epitome of seattle.

I absolutely adore the television series, Frasier. It's by far my absolute favourite. I'll blog about it forever at another point of time, friends.. Oh, and I definitely am in love with David Hyde Pierce. Whatta doll.

nathalie djurberg.

amazing.

slowly but surely wins the race..

there are a few things i have come to learn about happiness over the last year. one, formost being it is unchartable. it varies from individual to individual, like most emotions and outcomes. it is often a reaction to something bigger, something greater, or commonly a form of contentment, based on our own personal mantras, past events, narratives, and/or subconscious whereabouts. for this matter, we are capable of having these moments in life where everything seems to stand still for just a glimpse of a second, and it all sets it and makes sense. i think natalie portman in garden state said it best with, "i'm looking at you right now and you're definitely in it." to her co-star zach braff when they both settle next to each other in the bathtub in his old house as he discusses his ultimate regret with his late mother. obviously, emotion is a major trigger to these kinds of moments. so, now i arise the question: is happiness more of a verb or a noun?

i suppose the key to keeping these moments in a close range is to recognize these come in exactly what i defined above: short bursts of real, raw feeling. these don't last hours, or days. as someone once said, "we remember the minutes of the hours, and not the days of the years." and much as we would love to hold onto those 'perfect days' and put them in our pocket for a-not-so-sunny-day, it is impossible. there are 1440 minutes in a day, and if each one was held at the same importance as the others, these moments would lose the exact reason why they were so special. they are compressed, unexpected, and blessed. perhaps for this reason, the best things in life come to us in these brief, yet extremely self-revealing moments. we learn in these moments what exactly makes us tick, makes us feel actually alive as individuals. depending on the context of the situation and setting at the time, we may also begin to see being alone is okay. we are born into this world naked, alone, and beginning the embarkment of an adventure we would ultimately experience only through our own skin and own opinions. there is nothing unnatural, or scary, about it. if you let it, it can be the most soothing and healing outlet you can supply yourself with.

on this note, you must realize while people are wonderful and love is grand, the only thing you have in life is yourself, so take care of yourself. since you're an individual, start looking for these little things in life that supply you with more merriment and contentment than the obvious, materialistic supplements, such as the daily latté to help you get through another boring day of work meetings, the devil's food double-chocolate cake you immediately turned to after a tiff with your boyfriend, or even the christian louboutin french heels you've always desired more than anything after you saw that rerun of "sex and the city" on tbs one late thursday night and SJP was just strutting the hell out of them. you do not nesscarily have to close off what generally makes you happy though, if espresso or couture does it for you, embrace it. but also expand and unfold the old, traditional meaning of happiness as well. begin looking closer at smaller details of common day-to-day events or people. once you open your mind and begin to let more come to the surface, you will come to realize, it gets much more easier with time and more rewarding.

above, i submitted a still from the very end of one of my favourite films, lost in translation. that film, for me, embraces the idea of "moments" in a dry, quirky yet refined 104 minute presentation. it all really is a journey, and even though it is commonly misunderstood, the journey is a thousand times more important than the destination.perhaps enclosing yourself around people who have a similiar mindset and are aware of not just their, but your feelings as well, and sharing a few glasses of white wine alongside with greasy chinese take-out, you can begin to see more beauty in everyday life than you have been able to before. perhaps by finding a common factor between happiness and contentment, you will be able to heighten your intake of it all. so, on nights when everything has slowed, take yourself out into the dark night and walk the streets around you without the hope of unexpectedly running into a family of deer. walk slower, breathe deeply, and just listen. life is going on in and all around you, making us all that much more connected.